I Knew You Before You Were Conceived
March 10
Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.”
When I attended my first recovery group meeting, I was scared and intimidated. I had known for several days before that I would attend the next meeting. The days leading up to the first meeting were filled with anxiety and worry. I didn’t know who would be there. What if I knew somebody at the meeting? What if they knew me? There are confidentiality expectations, but I was still worried and anxious. Something else that initially filled me with terror was sharing my story and the reasons why I was attending the recovery group. I convinced myself no one would understand, and that I would be judged, ridiculed, and even laughed at in regards to my addiction. Naive thinking? Yes. But, that’s what I was certain of before attending the first meeting.
Although I experienced none of those things at the first meeting (or any of the subsequent weekly meetings in the 15 years since then), I was reluctant to share my addiction story with the guys there that night. I sat quietly internalizing the meeting, what the other guys were saying, and how the meeting progressed. Over the next few meetings, I began opening up and sharing more of my story and what had brought me to the recovery group. Very slowly, I saw the power of being known by someone else. The secrets I had hidden for years were being exposed to the light. Men were praying for me and holding me accountable. I felt loved. I felt cared for. I felt accepted. Over time, this became one of the pieces to my freedom from addiction.
To be known. To be loved. To be cared for. That’s what I have come to learn and experience in my renewed relationship with God. He knew me before the beginning of time. This is incomprehensible to me that God knew me before I was formed in the womb - before the world began. He knew my birth. He knew my life. He knew sin would be a struggle in my life. He knew I would need a Savior. He knew His abundant and lavish grace would wash over me changing me from an addict to a new creation. God has freed me from addiction. He has set me apart. He is calling me to something greater.