I am Not Distant and Angry, But I am the Complete Expression of Love

March 14

1 John 4:16 “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.”

Growing up I would occasionally spend time at my grandparents’ homes.  There were family gatherings and impromptu, “spur of the moment” drop-ins to visit my grandparents.  I loved my grandmas and their love for me was very evident.  I enjoyed talking with them and listening to their stories.  Road trips to a nearby larger city were a highlight of my time with one of my grandmas.  My other grandma regularly served the same snack when we visited.  To this day when I have that snack, I think of her and am grateful for that time with her.  However, when I think about my grandfathers, I do not have many warm and meaningful memories of them.

I believe they loved me and all their other grandchildren, but they did not show it or say it.  Whenever I visited - or we had family gatherings - they always sat on the side observing the activity happening in their home.  They would be part of the conversations happening, but they did not interact with others beyond that.  No “pulling up to the table” and playing a game.  No sitting on their laps when I was small.  Rarely a smile, but always a watchful eye ready to reprimand any misbehaving.  Overall, my memories of my grandfathers largely consist of them being distant and not involved.  Their love was rarely, if ever, shown or verbalized.  

Looking back, I believe this did influence how I saw God and His love (or perceived lack of it) for me.  My earthly grandfathers struggled to show love and be involved in my life, so it took me a long time to understand that God was different in His love and care for me.  How could God - whom I can’t see - love me more (differently) than my grandfathers did?  I have more clarity now about seeing God’s love, forgiveness, grace, faithfulness, and protection especially during the many years of my addiction.  He did love me.  He does love me.  He will always love me.  Nothing will ever change God’s love for me.  Nothing I have done, can do, or will do will ever separate me from God’s never-ending, life-changing, always-transforming love.  God is love (1 John 4:8).  He loves me so deeply that He sent Jesus to the cross to pay for my sins - a debt I could never pay.  God’s love is a perfect and unconditional love.  No (human) love is greater or more complete than that kind of love.